WHAT IS ALAN McBURGER ABOUT?For my new visitors: it’s FOX’s funniest and weirdest Tuesday show. Alan is a bitter, self-pitying Boston lawyer who gets fired, hired by the terrifying Rachel Fish, and finds out his childhood sweetheart Bethany is married to a nice guy named Daniel. Most weeks it’s a hilarious office comedy about Alan being wrong about women, work, unisex bathrooms and everything else. THEN once in a while he whispers to an old book and the whole world changes. Don’t worry about the book at first. Just watch Alan try to be charming. It’s painful. It’s great.                     You are visitor  Best viewed at 800x600 | DEAR ALANBoston’s most trusted source of advice on women, work, and why they’re wrong. Printed weekly in the Back Bay Courier (this is a fan page, he does NOT really have a column). Dear Alan, My girlfriend says I never listen. What should I do? Alan says: Listen less. That way when you finally speak it has impact. Bethany: Please stop. Dear Alan, A woman at work was promoted over me. Is this reverse discrimination? Alan says: If the promotion was based on merit, it's discrimination. If it wasn't, it's also discrimination. Law is simple. Bethany: It is not. Dear Alan, How do I know if a woman likes me? Alan says: If she says no, she's testing you. If she says yes, she's testing you. If she says nothing, she's testing you. Bethany: She is not testing you. She's gone to the bathroom. Dear Alan, My roommate says I should 'work on myself'. Alan says: Roommates are like bridges: invented by men, ignored by everyone else. Ronnie: I am the roommate. Please move out. Dear Alan, I'm 5'8". Does it matter? Alan says: It does not matter. Also in good lighting you are 5'11". I checked online. Bethany: Nobody checked. Dear Alan, Should I buy an old book from a weird shop? Alan says: Absolutely. Ask for installments. The Reflection: Do not. Last updated: June 16, 1998 | McBurgerMan97@aol.com |